Elizabeth's story

 His behaviour changed rapidly. I know I should have recognized it, but when you’re inside a situation it’s hard to get perspective.

One day my daughter called me crying saying my ex had threatened to hit her in the head with a hammer. I called the police and they removed him from the house and I got a restraining order the next day.

After a month, I went to the judge and asked him to rescind the order because I couldn’t imagine this man hurting us. Then on January 13, my whole life changed.

I heard a policeman say, “Oh this is just a domestic violence case”, five feet from where my child lay dead

When my ex entered the house, my daughter was awake. I heard an argument. I came into the living area to try and calm her down. Her eyes were wide with fear – she could see him approaching with a gun. When I turned around shots rang. I managed to dial 911. I couldn’t talk because [my face] was shot up, but they traced the call home. The police came, then the medical team.

I heard a policeman say, “Oh this is just a domestic violence case.” He was just five feet from where I was fighting for my life and where my child lay dead. There was nothing “just” about it.

My entire face was reconstructed because the bullets tore it apart. I was in a coma for almost a month. When I woke up, I was hit with the reality of the situation. My brother and sister refused to bury my daughter without me. I had to go to therapy to learn to use my muscles, but a lot of it they couldn’t fix. I can’t blow my nose. My lips are still numb and when I’m eating and drinking I don’t know if something is too hot until I get a blister. It’s been a struggle.

We must get people to understand that they’re not in it by themselves

I’ve talked to women who dated my ex and they’ve mentioned he was violent with them. Had I known he’d been abusive with other women, I wouldn’t have made him a part of my life.

The first time somebody asked me to talk about what happened, it was hard. It’s hard every time. But if it changes one life, it matters to me. Domestic violence is such a personal issue and it’s a secret. We must get people to understand that they’re not in it by themselves.

I’ve met young women and men who’ve heard my story and said it changed them. It gives them the courage to reach out and ask for help.

Torres story

 Fidel GomezTorres: “I joined in 2008. I had one deployment to Afghanistan. I spent 10 months in Kandahar. The deployment included a leg before and after, so total deployment time was 15 months. I was a builder so I was attached to a construction battalion. Much of the work that we were doing in Kandahar was expanding the airfield, building some facilities [and] expanding the facilities there. And I came back in 2011. I absolutely enjoyed my time deployed. I enjoyed my time in the Navy.

"In terms of when my PTSD started manifesting itself, it took me a really long time to give it a name. And I think that for me, I was just having a hard time [adjusting] when I returned. I was living in New York City at the time. New York City can be a very overwhelming city. I felt overly stimulated by everything that was going on and I started to realize that I carried a lot of anger. It would really bother me when people would complain about how hot the subway was because I would always reference it back to where I just came from. So everything was always connected to where I had just came from. And in my head at that time, no one had any reason to complain about anything. But of course that's not the case. You know, sometimes we have bad days and people complain about it. So for me, I started noticing it in terms of my temperament, my anger. I was very quick to get upset and annoyed. It wasn't until last year when I actually started seeking treatment, so almost an eight-year journey to finally figuring out this is what it is. It's OK. This is what I need to do in order to make it better.”

Isaiah's story

 On leaving the military and PTSD symptoms that followed

Isiah James: "I was deployed to Iraq two times and Afghanistan one time. My job in the Army was an 11 Bravo which is an infantryman. My first deployment was 15 months from October ‘06 to January ‘08. My second deployment was December ‘08 to December 2009. And my final deployment was June 2010 to May 2011. I was wounded in service. I loved being in the Army but not for the reasons you would think. I loved the kinship and the camaraderie and the brotherhood that it provided. And once I got hurt, I couldn't do it anymore. The Army medically retired me. So at 27 years old, I was literally a retiree.

“I didn't really deal with [PTSD] while I was in [the Army] because you're surrounded by ... like everybody is going through the same things. So you don't really want to manifest your problems on anybody else. But it's when you get outside the military, and the civilian world is a lot different, and you're on your own and you don't really have that support network there.”

Here's the big question

 

What can I do if I think I have posttraumatic stress disorder?

In addition to getting treatment, you can adjust your lifestyle to help relieve PTSD symptoms. For example, talking with other Veterans who have experienced trauma can help you connect with and trust others; exercising can help reduce physical tension; and volunteering can help you reconnect with your community. You also can let your friends and family know when certain places or activities make you uncomfortable.

“I wanted to keep the war away from my family, but I brought the war with me every time I opened the door. It helps to talk with them about how I feel.”

Your close friends and family may be the first to notice that you’re having a tough time. Turn to them when you are ready to talk. It can be helpful to share what you’re experiencing, and they may be able to provide support and help you find the right treatment for you.

Excuses people make to stay it's heart breaking

 Excuses Victims Give for Not Leaving an Abusive Relationship:

• “It was my fault. ...
• “They apologized, promised it wouldn't happen again.”
• “It doesn't happen all the time.”
• “I know they love me, and I love them.”
• “We have a lot of great times together.”
• “I don't want to because of the children.”
• “I don't have a job.”

PTSD in veterans recognize the signs

 it's hard to identify PTSD if your a veteran because your mindset is " I don't have issues I'm ok you should see the guys that actually have issues " but we must be aware of it so here are some things you can look at.A  wide variety of symptoms may be signs that you are experiencing posttraumatic stress disorder. The following are some of the most common symptoms of PTSD that you or those around you may have noticed:

• Feeling upset by things that remind you of what happened
• Having nightmares, vivid memories, or flashbacks of the event that make you feel like it’s happening all over again
• Feeling emotionally cut off from others
• Feeling numb or losing interest in things you used to care about
• Feeling constantly on guard
• Feeling irritated or having angry outbursts
• Having difficulty sleeping
• Having trouble concentrating
• Being jumpy or easily startled

Abuse signs

 Some people don't know they are in an abusive relationship but show signs  that others notice these are some of those signs  learn to recognize these signs in your self or someone you know

• Feelings of self-hatred or self-loarecogthing
• Self-destructiveness (self-harm, thoughts of suicide, engaging in dangerous activities)
• Self-neglect (starving oneself, depriving oneself of proper nutrition, not taking care of necessary dental or medical needs)
• Addictive behavior (alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping)
• Rage (easily angered, yelling, abuse of children)
• Isolation